you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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