nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
