I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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