five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
