don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
