I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
