I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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