he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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