I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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