My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
