i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
