i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
