Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
