is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
