let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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