You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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