I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
