I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just found puke in my bra..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
