This girl is more easily done than said...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
