You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize