Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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