True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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