let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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