If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
