We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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