we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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