i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
