if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
