my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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