Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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