im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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