I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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