I can text with my tongue
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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