Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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