When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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