I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just pee around me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
