Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I came so hard my ears popped.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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