I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
