I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Randomize
