you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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