how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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