Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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