nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
