I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
