I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
