This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
