i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
