Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
