you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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