A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
