Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
