I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
