As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
