so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
