Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
