Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
